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Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Cost answers your questions about everything from loss of want to solo sex and partner issues. Nothing is out of bounds! To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org.
A reader writes:
My husband and I are in our late 60s. I withal have a potent libido and love having sex at least twice a week. My problem is that these days, I have so long to orgasm. I accept bioidentical hormones and we use lubricant, so sex is comfortable. I feel sexy and eager, simply I but can't "bring it dwelling" in a reasonable corporeality of time. This morning it took an hr!
For a while, we idea our sex life was going to be ruined by my hubby'south ED, and we went through a long dry spell. None of the pills ever worked for him. That's when I learned to masturbate. (I never did before because I've been with my husband since I was 17 and he was my only partner.) And so I used the Internet to learn everything I could about ED and was amazed to find out that a man can orgasm without an erection. As far every bit I'm concerned, that alone made the Internet worth its weight in gold.
Nosotros started experimenting and rediscovered our sometime sexual practice life, with some adjustments. Nosotros are very joyful with each other. We utilize our hands, mouths, kissing, touching. It's like your bones teenagers in a car without birth control! It just takes me so long….
My husband is wonderful and he always says he doesn't listen how long information technology takes me, just I mind. I feel terrible for what I put him through! He wants to go me there and volition keep trying for as long every bit I want to.
We recently discovered a new approach: we enjoy each other sexually without orgasm being the goal. That takes the pressure off. Nosotros practice everything we enjoy, and if someone has an orgasm that'due south fine, only sometimes neither of us does. It nevertheless brings us very close to each other and makes us happy.
Just when I do want an orgasm, is there annihilation I can do to speed things up? I tried using a vibrator, just I just didn't like it, even when my husband tried to utilize it with me. —Taking Too Long
Joan Responds:
Good for the two of yous for having bully sex despite your husband's erectile dysfunction. Then many men and their partners have the mistaken idea that if the penis tin't become hard, sex is over. Far from information technology! If nosotros finish believing that only a firm penis can give pleasure we open up to a whole world of sexy delights. We can exist sexually stimulated and brought to orgasm by hands, mouths, genitals rubbing, a vibrator, or a combination of whatever or all of these. And equally you've discovered, he doesn't need an erection to orgasm. A soft penis and its owner are capable of experiencing great pleasure with sensation provided by a partner and/or self-stimulation.
As for your question — ah, how many people in our historic period group would love to receive sexual pleasure for a whole hour from their partner! Of form, I understand why you feel broken-hearted and tin't believe that your hubby is happy focusing on your pleasance for that long. Y'all're anxious that he's getting tired or losing interest — and your anxiety slows you lot down more than. It's a grade of operation anxiety.
I went through this myself with my husband Robert at the commencement of our relationship. Nosotros met when I was 57 and he was 64, and our sexual connection was exhilarating, exuberant, and downright incredible. (This led me to beginning writing nigh senior sex, in fact.) However, I took so darned long to attain orgasm and was certain that he was getting bored, which fabricated me take even longer! I finally voiced my concerns to him. He replied with a loving smile, "I don't care if it takes three weeks, as long as I can have breaks sometimes to alter positions or get something to eat!"
I propose you to practice with your husband what I did with Robert — believe him when he says he doesn't mind at all. I'll bet that if you relax and stop worrying about taking then long, you'll reach orgasm faster. And if y'all don't, just enjoy the journey.
If y'all'd nevertheless like some tips for speeding things along, try these:
- Exercise before sex. Exercise increases blood flow to your muscles, brain and – yep! – your genitals. Increased blood period helps make arousal and orgasm faster.
- Outset on your ain alee of time. Have time earlier sex to get yourself aroused through fantasy or your own touch.
- Use a vibrator. I know you lot said you lot tried 1 and didn't like it, but I encourage you to try others. Read my Senior's Guide to Vibrators (https://seniorplanet.org/the-seniors-guide-to-vibrators/) and my vibrator reviews at www.nakedatourage.com. Yous may notice that the orgasm that took you an hour yesterday volition take only ten minutes with a well-chosen, well-placed vibrator.
I honey your newfound sexual enjoyment of each other without goals. Y'all've discovered a real cardinal to lifelong sexual delight and intimacy. If more of united states embraced that relaxed approach to sex activity, we'd observe more than pleasance, not less. Thank y'all for sharing how you keep sexual practice strong. —Joan
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Would yous similar to run across more questions and answers? Run across all of Joan's advice in Sex @ Our Age.
- Send Joan your questions by emailing sexpert@seniorplanet.org. All information is confidential.
Joan Price is the author of the new "Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life"; the honor-winning self-help book "Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud most Senior Sex"; and the sexy memoir, "Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex Later on 60." Visit Joan'southward blog, "Naked at Our Age," and her Facebook page.
Source: https://seniorplanet.org/how-an-older-woman-can-reach-orgasm-faster/